What Shapes our Reality?

When I left news, I went on a 90-day detox. No more negative headlines. No more believing the world is only made up of criminals, cheaters, and liars. What we consume mentally shapes our world. It defines many of our beliefs, not just about others but even about ourselves. The first three months I wasn't sure how to "survive" this detox. In fact, disengaging myself from the world gave me anxiety. I forced myself into daily walks, listening to nothing but motivational speeches. I listened to one in particular. EVERYDAY I listened to THIS (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fviFNrWKzZ8) Sometimes three or four times a day. On my walks, in the car, and sometimes in bed as a I lay wondering, "What next?"

I had an idea of my next step but it wasn't well formulated, there was nothing finite about it and frankly it never really is but it wasn't like I had a job offer in a different city. I left to reinvent myself. That meant stripping everything I knew about the world, what I believed about others and most importantly, what I believed about myself. And let me be real about my exit - it was unplanned in so many ways. It had been on the forefront of my mind but I literally woke up one morning turned to my husband and said, "I'm quitting today. I'm done. I can't wait any longer."

Nine months into my journey of reinvention, I am discovering why it is so hard for people - as they age and become comfortable with what is now their world (good or bad) to CHANGE. Sometimes we will find every excuse not to change. Sometimes we will convince ourselves why where we are is just fine. I have always been a big dreamer. When I found myself working in television news, I dreamt of working in L.A. or New York City, making up stories about how glamorous life would be - the books I would write, the financial freedom I would obtain so that I could provide myself and future family with all the wonderful experiences the universe has to offer. I dreamt of an extraordinary life. 10 years into my career I realized what I had accomplished was a great paying job. And then my life flashed before my eyes - I could see myself becoming a Main Anchor, settling into the ways in which many people do. Some love the comfort of the 9-5 (in my case, it would always be late night shifts if I wanted a high paying job in news) and the so-called security or illusion of a steady paycheck. For me however, the thought of conformity saddened me. All around me I heard people complain about "work" - their schedules, the low pay ...FEEL FREE TO CHIME IN - you know what I'm referring to right?

I heard people share their dreams but in the same sentence say, "It's too late now for ME." or "Just wait until you have kids, it will be even harder." "Nowhere pays good anymore." This negative thinking, this world I had been swimming in - draping myself with - had become MY REALITY too. Soon enough, I began to talk the same talk and think the same way. No matter how hard I tried to shield myself - those who I surrounded myself with the most permeated every fiber of my being. For years this went on. Then I began a journey of personal development - feeding my mind with new ways of thinking - books I had never read before began to breathe new life into my daydreams that had been collecting dust on my mental bookshelf.

What about being the author I always wanted to be? What about the magazine I wanted to create when I was in college? I still remember the day I began to create my first publication. I got as far as naming it "Plum Magazine". There were dreams I wanted to accomplish and for some reason this job I had stood in the way. Chained and confined by the rules of a boss meant my dreams were held captive. There's nothing FREEING about a job. Where's the freedom? None, I discovered. Not the freedom I am in search of anyway.

Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for the experiences journalism gave me, the skills I learned, the lessons it taught me...the relationships I made. The people who watched me all these years - they were the best part often times - and now I feel truly blessed you are still with me on my personal journey.

After all, it led me here to this very moment. No regrets. I look back, and the short trip down memory lane brings back laughter and some chuckles about all the lessons I learned along the way.

I just want you to know if you have dreams - don't give yourself excuses as to why it's too late. Don't believe the clutter in your head. It truly is a story you're telling yourself. My husband often tells me my experiences and the people who are part of the script I write are all actors. I get to choose who comes and goes. I can determine what role they play in my life. If you look at it that way, then truly our thoughts are more powerful than we realize. So careful what you think about, careful about the stories you tell yourself, because it is the space between our ears that shapes our reality and ultimately - our destiny.