"Why Everything is a Gift"

Bad things happen to good people ...all the time. That's what I've learned during my decade long news career. I've witnessed people do good after suffering loss or devastation and it always amazed me. Wading through a dark forest, with no end to the dense, bristling shrubbery in sight, how did they pick up the pieces? I often wondered. I've reported on atrocities, hardships, tragedies ...you name it, everything that was ever crappy in the world came out of my mouth on the evening news. I've met families who have lost - children, homes, memories ...but their resiliency always fascinated me. Would I have the same resiliency? I didn't want to know. I didn't want my soul's strength tested. I didn't want to find out. But growth in life is inevitable unless you're standing so still, living so cautiously that you rob yourself of living at all.I did that for a long time. Living cautiously. Sure I pursued a career in television news. Sure that takes guts. But I soon discovered loving someone more than yourself at times takes even greater courage. The fortitude to take on the unknown, cutting yourself open where your heart beats - allowing the man you love to see deeper than anyone ever has.

Vulnerability.

Imperfection.

From love comes faith.

News helped me run away. It helped me run from a painful past, a place and city that reminded me of my parents' divorce. TV News life kept me so insanely busy, life passing by so quickly ....I hardly noticed. Until I found L O V E or *it found me.

Sometimes it's the lows in life that teach us the most about who we are - and who we want to become. I call it an awakening. An awareness so crystal clear ...a taste so bitterly pungent, it's hard to ignore.

My husband, the strongest man I've ever met both physically and mentally had unexpected surgery at the end of December. It was abrupt. We went from laughing at a Christmas party to the emergency room. After 30 hours of agony, we learned he had a twisted colon. I remember the range of emotions - the insomnia. 72 hours of no sleep will take you to the depths of despair. When you think your loved one is dying, you will get down on your knees and pray ...even if you don't believe in a God.

And I do.

But you will pray even if you don't go to Church. You will beg for the universe, a being - something you can't see, touch or smell but can sometimes feel to have mercy, to spare you the agony of loss.

I made a promise that night. I promised God, or the universe or whatever you want to call it that I would no longer wait to "live" ...that I would never waste another second being dreadfully unhappy, that I would count my blessings ...twice.

We've all made those promises. How many of us have kept them? I discovered it takes being fearless to step into the unknown. READ MORE about being fearless and how to start overcoming it in my past blog Fear is a Liar

With the mysterious unknown comes excitement and an anxiousness so razor sharp, it sometimes hurts to face it.

What I gained the night I solely witnessed the love of my life nearly pass out from the pain, his body convulsing ...was a look at my life, ZOOMED OUT. Perspective like never before. The dreams I daydreamed about for myself, for us ...I could not wait a second longer to begin. I could not waste another second in wonderment.

My husband is recovering. Looking at him now you'd never know he went through surgery. As terrifying as it was - what I went through with him was a GIFT.

The gift was knowing more than ever before that we get one life. Only one - that we know of. Why waste time ...why waste space living by someone else's rules? For what? And for who? Having that moment - that awareness is truly a gift. Because I realize some never get it, or they do and it's left untouched. Ignored. Pushed under paperwork. Swept under a rug. Boxed away in the basement, never to be seen again.

Bad things happen to good people...all the time. But perhaps somewhere along that road ...where there was loss - grief ...and sadness, those families ...all the people who I ever talked about ...many of whom I never met, found the gift in their darkest hour.